


The lights are on (Nothing’s wrong, nothing’s going away)

by targaryen_melodrama



Series: Where the heart is [2]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Established Relationship, M/M, POV Sam Wilson, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-11
Updated: 2020-05-11
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:34:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 838
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24135169
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/targaryen_melodrama/pseuds/targaryen_melodrama
Summary: Thank you to my friend for looking this over <3
Relationships: Steve Rogers/Sam Wilson
Series: Where the heart is [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1741597
Comments: 6
Kudos: 24





	The lights are on (Nothing’s wrong, nothing’s going away)

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to my friend for looking this over <3

Sam’s always liked this half-asleep, half-awake state he finds himself in. Being able to wake up slowly, to consciously linger before properly leaving sleep behind is something he only gets to do when he has nowhere to be, the few times where no one is expecting him anywhere.

Something—his mind? His body?—tells him that this is a quiet evening at home, that he’s laying on his couch and should go back to sleep. He almost does when he feels water run softly down his neck. 

Sam assumes it’s the remnants of a dream, but when more water tracks continue to make their way down, Sam startles out of his foggy state.

"Baby?" It sounds muffled and unclear to his own ears, so Sam clears his throat and tries again. "Steve?"

Sam feels Steve breathe in the way he’d seen him do a thousand times when he wanted to avoid looking upset or frustrated.

"Sorry, sweetheart," Steve says, his voice hoarse, but not with sleep. His arms tighten around Sam’s waist. "Go back to sleep." 

It’s only when Sam hears Steve’s rough voice that his brain clues him in—tears. The lukewarm water is tears—Steve’s tears—running down Sam’s neck.

Sam shifts in Steve’s arms surprisingly easily considering how tangled they are under their quilted cotton throw. 

"Steve. You alright?" Sam’s hand moves up before he even realizes it, his thumb wiping Steve’s tears away.

"Nothing you have to worry about," Steve says with a smile. It’s the same wobbly smile he would give Peggy whenever they would visit, the smile he gave Bucky when he went back into cryo.

"Of course I have to worry," Sam says softly. Even after all these years, he isn’t used to seeing Steve cry, but if he wants to know what’s going on, he has to stay calm, no matter how much seeing Steve upset makes Sam upset too. "I thought we were both relaxing together, doing nothing all night. What’s going on?"

Steve shakes his head slowly as he tries—and fails—to conjure up another pitiful smile. Sam moves even closer, as much as he can on their quite-large-but-just-big-enough-for-a-super-soldier-and-Captain-America couch. He kisses Steve’s forehead, Steve’s closed eyelids, and his mouth. 

"What’s going on, baby?"

"It’s just—this was a hard time for me." Sam has no clue whether Steve means the end of May back in the 30s’, or the end of May back during the war, or maybe even later than that, but he doesn’t wanna interrupt and risk Steve not opening up at all. He moves his hand down Steve’s back and slips it under his shirt, rubbing slow circles. "When you were—when you were gone."

Sam doesn’t know what he was expecting—but this wasn’t it. "In the soul stone?"

Steve nods. His eyes are still wet, and he isn’t looking Sam in the eye. "Every day. Every day I would—manage. Do my best. Not let myself think about you and Bucky and everyone else being—gone. Just like that. But in the evening, when I got home and you were supposed to be here and—"

Steve swallows hard, takes a steadying breath again and looks up. "I missed you like...I don’t have the words. But you’re here now, and this shouldn’t—I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

Sam’s heart squeezes painfully in his chest. "Don’t, Steve, don’t be sorry. I—"

 _I get it_ , he wants to say, _I understand_ , but he really doesn’t. Five years on Earth had been five hours in the soul stone, and coming back had mainly meant coming back to defeat Thanos once and for all. With Doctor Strange at their side, the question wasn’t _if_ they were coming back, but _where_ and _how._

There had never been somewhere Sam couldn’t meet Steve— they were both veterans who left part of themselves on the battlefield where their brothers fell, a few years or a few decades ago. They’d been through a lot together since they’d met, tread through unfamiliar ground quite often, but usually together. 

Crossing an ocean by each other’s side is all they’d ever done, but Sam feels like he’s on the one side of the sea now, with Steve on the other, struggling through waves Sam can’t see or reach.

"I’m sorry, baby.”

Another sad smile. "You have nothing to be sorry about. You’re here—nothing else matters.”

 _You matter. How you feel matters._ Sam thinks this might be a problem that requires professional help, but he puts that thought away for now.

"You matter, Steve. I’m sorry you’re feeling this way, and I’m sorry I can’t do anything about it."

"Just—" Steve’s voice cracks, and Sam’s heart does too, right along with it. "Just stay."

"For as long as I can," Sam says. He’d never said it out loud but he’d known this for years now. He kisses Steve again, then moves up slightly, so he can properly take Steve into his arms. "For as long as I can, baby. I’ll be here."

**Author's Note:**

> This was supposed to be bittersweet, I don't know where the sweet part went lol sorry.
> 
> Title from Dreaming by Leighton Meester.
> 
> I am on [Tumblr](http://targaryenmelodrama.tumblr.com) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/andrea_b_tweets) !


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